Hopeless

And, oh, how to put into words the devestation, the wasteland that my emotional landscape has become?

My God, how to describe the one element of Life that feels so close but is so out of reach?

It's indescribable, this Deadening, the Silence brought on by Depression. Is not Nothing, Something? Nothing simply is filled by pain, dissolving into Nothing, filling with pain... it's a vicious circle.

I can't even tell you how I long for her quiet reassurance! Just a hand on my arm, if I'm lucky, her hand in mine. A gaze into her eyes and she reminds me to Kill the Wires. It will be okay. I tell her that it had better be. I want to tell her how much I love that she shouted Never!, that she hates silence as much as I do.

You can't even conceive how frustrating my limitations are! I want to give her the whole world, to BLOW HER AWAY! And I open my mouth to try and explain and apologize. To try and explain how I stumbled over my tongue, to apologize for not being the best person to live in two thousand years. I open my mouth, and... nothing. The words don't come. A curse. The sound of an unbelievably hopeless, desperate guy hanging up in despair.